Emotional Explosions

So as many of you know we have had a wonderful year full of surgeries, illness, and we are just waiting to see what happens next....the car break down? I don't know. Hopefully not, but if it does then I think that we will be safe from anything else going wrong for at least a year.

Life has been interesting lately for all of us. Eric, although he is doing way better now, has been basically a third child. It started getting really bad mother's day weekend where he couldn't stand up straight, lived in the bathroom, and could only walk the 10 steps from the toilet to the bed. By that night and about midnight, I was begging him to go to the hospital. At about 3, I had layed awake crying all night, expecting the worst (because we didn't know what it was at this point), and starting to plan out my life without Eric in it, he finally agreed to go to the hospital at 6am. So bright and early I called a wonderful friend to watch the kids so I could go to the hospital with him. Sometimes I don't like how calm all the drs and nurses are at the hospital, especially when I am in a panic and want to know right now what is wrong with my husband, and if he is going to live.

Luckily, it was something that they had definitely seen before, (a bacterial infection, or infestation, in his colon) and knew what to do for it. Not that Eric was going to get better any time soon, but at least they knew how to treat it. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck the entire day having no sleep and still worried about Eric. We got the medicine we needed and things started looking up. He was getting better and I was so excited to have my husband back. Then once again, things took a turn for the worse. The problem that initially caused all the other problems was wreaking havoc again. And this time it was worse.

Eric ended up having two surgeries, one on a Thursday, and then again on Monday. Of course, to make matters worse, as soon as he got home on Monday, he was down again. The exact same bacterial infection came back with all its original fury and making life hard once again. I didn't know how to help him or even take care of him properly. I was doing my best to change his bandages (diapers basically). And worrying about his weight....he has lost about 30-35 lbs. We have absolutely amazing friends here that helped with the kids in the mornings so I could study for my recertification tests that I had that Saturday, and made meals for us. What a blessing. I don't think I could have made it without them. And let me tell you, even with all of the help, by Wednesday my nerves were shot, I was exhausted in all aspects of the word. Just that night when I didn't know what else to do, I get a knock on the door and the most wonderful person is standing there with these:

Thanks so much Fran. I then proceeded to use her as an emotional vomit bag, sorry about that. But I have to say that I felt so much better afterwards and felt like I could cope with life again. And of course, the next day we were back in the hospital because Eric was just dehydrated. However, once they got fluids in him, his body took a drastic turn for the better. Like he just needed the liquid that he couldn't keep in his body to help him heal. Thankfully that week is over, my test is done and I am just praying that I will be blessed to have passed it with everything that has happened.

Things are definitely not perfect yet, but definitely getting better. My poor kids went through the ringer too. Adie hates her carseat now because she doesn't want to be left anywhere. Even in nursery where she used to love. The sadest part is that they don't really want to spend time with dad anymore because he can't do much with them. Hopefully things will get back to normal for them soon. I just don't know how people that have spouses that are chronically ill, or single parents, or ones that their spouse just works all the time and is gone handle life. I really look up to you and yes I do know some of you. I aspire to be like you, but right now I guess I am just not that strong. With all of this happening and everything I am taking a vacation with the kids in July to see my parents and extended family. I am so excited I can't even tell you. There are even times that I find myself wanting to start packing and then I have to call myself back to reality.

Thanks to all of you who helped us during this time. We appreciate your prayers, thoughts, and help; from meals, to babysitting, to just listening when I needed it. Thank you SO much. You are amazing and I know that you will be blessed for it. I would list off names but I know I would forget someone, and you know who you are that helped us. Hopefully this will be the end of our issues and I will at least stop being a basket case.